Those nights, we would discuss the future. Inoasis would be truly eradicated, and all of humanity, regardless of status, would be liberated and freed. When he spoke of these things, his lilac eyes emitted rays of hope, his eyebrows like the eaves of a rainy day sheltering that expectation from the harsh truth, the truth that should have been mine.
Your achievements are complete. The flow has stopped,
We would also discuss Astragan. Specifically, he spoke to me of that completely new homeland he was building. Natural disasters would be far from us, and the control of seasons and climate would no longer be in the hands of deities but in ours. Humanity would no longer be dominated by nature, condemned to death by time, or restricted by the limits of sight in space, a heaven exactly how he dreamed of.
Of course, we would occasionally discuss mundane topics like "What shall we eat tomorrow?" But he never remembered that I favoured the bolognese pasta from the corner street, despite me telling him thousands of times. Still, I would ask him to guess just to tell him he got them all right, even though I would never actually get the meal that I wanted.
He did ask why pasta when I told him the fifth time.
…Before your departure, you may express your last desire.
Because it tasted just like grandma used to make. Grandma always said that when I grew up, she would teach me to cook bolognese sauce and have a delicious, fulfilling meal with the one I care the most. Imagine the happiness we could share over bowls and spoons. Even after learning about Aurora Vidal and him, my first thought still revolved around that plate of tangled sentiments. There was no anger, nor was there intense sorrow. Perhaps it was regret. Seemed like the faked closeness drained all my flames, I was speechless; she saw that, I bet she was too.
But to call it regret would be a stretch, because from the very beginning, the glowing lilacs in his eyes never had me.
It was never about me.
"My Great Goddess Syuran, by the decree of Marulrie, "
I too will not see the so-called new world. If I didn’t love him, perhaps I would still have a chance, I guess.
"I wish that lovers will be loved."
What a pity. I can no longer engage in the most ordinary of small talks with a person that I deeply loved, who actually loves me, discussing things like what shall we do together the next day.
Because from the very beginning, I never had what one might call a tomorrow.